When your wife cheats on you

This is not your fault. You are not to blame for any of it. He is a sex addict.

He shows all the signs. I hope you get some good advice and support. Let me know if you would like to talk. Thank you so much.

Also, dating apps Tinder, etc. There are also apps designed to cloak the behavior on electronic devices. I contacted the church and hopefully will hear back that I can attend. My husband is repentant, has done a degree turnaround, and we have instituted multiple checks to prevent a return to unfaithfulness, including a very generous post-nuptial agreement and complete transparency. He knows that a return to any part of that life means an immediate divorce, no further contact between us, and no chance for reconciliation. He says he ruined a great marriage and wishes more than anything he never went down that road.

When your wife cheats on you …

I absolutely will not have that behavior in my life. It started small and intermittent as sin does and grew so large it became a lifestyle. Boy oh boy, did Satan ever find a live one when he got his hooks in my husband! Try looking for a Betrayal and Beyond group in your area. Your husband should also join a Pure Desire group if he is serious about restoring the marriage.

Hopefully you can find them in your area! I also recommend counseling for both of you, separately. He needs someone trained in sex addiction. Pure Desire can help find those. This is NOT your fault. The Bible does say a person can cause or force another to commit adultery Prov.

One can be made to sin through matters of indifference by being a stumbling block 1 Cor. Children can be provoked wrongfully Col.

How to Move Forward when someone cheats

To imply only one person is to blame for their adultery in every case is just as extreme and wrong as saying both of them are. Chris, you are so, so wrong. A stumbling block does not mean that you are to blame if they sin. In fact, if you read those passages, who is it that Jesus ultimately holds accountable? The person who actually sinned! Let me throw up another example. In the story of the Prodigal Son, the Son rebels against the father.

Was the father to blame? Did the father do something wrong? In your logic, he must have. But in that story, the Father is GOD. Or take Judas. Did Jesus do something wrong so that Judas betrayed Him? No, Jesus chose to do the wrong Himself. Stop with this victim blaming and bear responsibility for your own sin. Matt is rebuking men who would divorce their wives and leave them abandoned and destitute without due cause. It has nothing to do with adultery or causing someone to sin. Because literally none of them blames the woman being cheated on for being cheated on. Dear Shiela, I hear you saying that you cannot rebuild until the cheater repents.

Please let me know where you get this from!! I am so grateful I did not succomb to such teaching. When learning of my husbands affair, he told me he no longer wanted to be married. I chose to seize the opportunity to not try to change him, but to grow more and more into the wife God wanted me to be.

I totally left changing my husbands heart to God. Our marriage is growing as a beautiful flower. He recently started sharing his heart with me in beautiful ways. Natalie, I am so glad that your marriage is being restored.

"I Caught My Wife Cheating: What Now?" | All Pro Dad

When you do not hold someone to their covenant, you do run a greater risk that they will feel emboldened to continue to sin. Holding people accountable for their actions is something that is intrinsic to the way that God designed the world and the way that He designed human nature—God cannot be mocked, a man reaps what he sows. We are called to forgive, yes, but reconciliation in relationship is a two-way street. It is based on honesty and confession; it is not based on letting someone off the hook who is constantly taking advantage of you.

This rarely works well, and is talked against throughout the book of Proverbs. It is very hard to respect a doormat. And when you cannot respect someone, love often disappears over time. It is hard to love someone whom you use. That person becomes more a servant to you rather than an honest to goodness partner. I am not even arguing against reconciliation.

What I am saying is that reconciliation without confession and repentance can be dangerous. God says that the relationship starts with our repentance. And sometimes those reasons could very well be valid! But you cannot build true intimacy when a covenant has been broken and the one breaking it does not own up to the breaking.

Once a spouse has cheated, the marriage has been broken. It still can be rebuilt, but the foundation should be one of truth and faithfulness. Someone who will not repent of an affair cannot walk forward in faithfulness or truth. That means that the marriage relationship is now compromised. In some cases, God does use these situations and brings things back around. He can change hearts, and He can work in a whole variety of ways!

But, in general, research has consistently shown that allowing someone to get away with a breach of a covenant, without properly confronting it and dealing with the sin, does not bring intimacy.

But they are there. And they will stop you from ultimately experiencing real intimacy. An affair needs to heal. It is a huge breach of trust. And to heal, it means you have to confront your own feelings, and he has to admit his guilt. You may choose to do this differently, over time, but ultimately that will have to be done. Dear Sheila, Are you saying that when my husband was bent on leaving, I should have told him that he needs to be accountable to me???

Is that what Hosea did?


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I feel you belittle the power of God by putting responsibiities on wives that they simply were not meant to bear. My God is bigger than that. I can simply follow His simple command to honor and respect my husband unconditionally and He will take care of the reaping and sowing deal. A lot of what you say makes sense, but it simply is not based on scripture.